Imagine you are working on an important task when a colleague approaches you. They ask you to help them with their project, but your hands are full. Still, you find it difficult to say NO because you like them and don’t want to upset them.
Does this sound familiar?
We sometimes find it difficult to say “NO”, even if we know something is beyond our capabilities. Maybe we are afraid that someone will be offended? Or that they will consider us unkind? That is why it is worth learning assertiveness – the art of expressing your needs and boundaries in a firm but at the same time polite and respectful way.
What is assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to say what we think and feel without feeling guilty or afraid. It is also about setting boundaries and caring for us without hurting others.
How to set boundaries?
1. Understand your needs – you have the right to take care of your time and comfort.
2. Use clear messages – e.g. “I can’t do that now, but I can help later”.
3. Don’t apologize for setting your boundaries – saying no is not a lack of kindness. It is self-care.
Exercise: “Three ways to say “NO’”
Think about a situation where it was difficult for you to say no. Now come up with three ways in which you could have said “no” assertively, e.g.:
1. Short and sweet: “I can’t right now. I have a lot of work.”
2. With an alternative suggestion: “Not today, but I can help you for 10 minutes tomorrow.”
3. With empathy but firmly: “I understand that this is important to you, but I have my responsibilities, and I can’t take care of it.”
Practice this regularly, and saying no will become easier over time!
Would you like to learn more? Check the articles on the following links:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/assertive/art-20044644
https://positivepsychology.com/assertive-communication/